What I Wish Counsellors Knew: A Neurodivergent Client’s View
By a neurodivergent client and mental health advocate
Neurodiversity is part of everyday life — in schools, workplaces, and therapy rooms — yet many counsellors still feel unsure about supporting neurodivergent clients. As someone who has spent years misunderstood, often labelled “too sensitive” or “overthinking,” discovering my neurodivergence was both a relief and a revelation. My brain simply works differently. Neurodiversity includes autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other neurological variations — differences that are human, not rare. Yet therapy often isn’t designed for us.
1. Silence Isn’t Avoidance
When I pause before responding, it’s not withdrawal — it’s processing. My mind is sorting through words and emotions. When counsellors hold space for silence without rushing, I feel respected and safe.
2. Eye Contact Isn’t Connection
Eye contact can feel painful or distracting. Looking away helps me listen. Connection isn’t in eye contact but in tone, warmth, and patience. Dropping the “look at me” rule builds trust.
3. The Room Matters
Sensory sensitivity makes certain environments overwhelming. Harsh lights, strong scents, or ticking clocks can derail focus. Simply asking, “Is anything here uncomfortable for you?” can transform the space into safety.
4. Small Adjustments, Big Impact
Allowing fidget tools, note-taking, or flexible seating helps me self-regulate. Written summaries or follow-up emails support memory and processing. These gestures show you’re meeting me where I am, not forcing me into a rigid model.
5. Plain Language Wins
Therapy phrases like “sit with the discomfort” can confuse a literal thinker. Clear, concrete language grounds me. Asking, “Does that make sense for you?” keeps communication collaborative.
6. Flat Doesn’t Mean Empty
If I seem expressionless, it may be overwhelmed, not indifference. Gentle curiosity — “What’s happening for you right now?” — invites honesty without assumption.
7. Structure Feels Safe
Predictability helps my nervous system settle. Knowing how sessions begin and end or having a brief agenda provides security, not rigidity. Structure builds trust.
8. It’s Not Laziness — It’s Executive Dysfunction
When I forget “homework” or struggle with follow-through, it’s often executive dysfunction, not apathy. Breaking tasks into steps or co-planning next actions turns potential shame into support.
9. Masking Hides Distress
Many neurodivergent people mask — suppressing natural behaviours to appear “normal.” In therapy, I might seem fine while internally struggling. Hearing “You don’t need to mask here” is profoundly healing.
10. You Don’t Need to Be an Expert
You don’t have to master every diagnosis. What matters is curiosity and partnership. Ask, “What helps you feel comfortable?” Every neurodivergent client is unique; learning from us creates true collaboration.
11. Trauma and Neurodivergence
Many of us carry trauma from lifelong misunderstanding and exclusion. A trauma-informed, neuro-affirming approach recognises this overlap and allows healing where difference has been punished.
12. Validation Heals
The most powerful words a counsellor can offer: “That makes sense for you.” Validation affirms our reality and dismantles years of feeling “wrong.”
13. Meet Us as Equals
We don’t need fixing — we need understanding. Neurodivergent clients bring depth, creativity, and honesty. When counsellors lead with curiosity, compassion, and adaptability, therapy becomes a place where every kind of mind belongs.
Closing Thought
Neurodiversity isn’t a challenge to overcome — it’s a truth to honour. The best counsellors I’ve had weren’t experts; they were curious enough to ask, “What do you need from me today?” That simple question changed everything.